According to the new bill in California homeless people will be able to
have access to their IDs more easily.
- in this one sentence you have a lot going on- let's try and break it down a bit to get your reader prepped for your info 1) what is this new bill? 2) what is difficult about getting an ID that this specific bill is needed?
Eleanor (who is Eleanor?) talks about how IDS are the one of the problems why homeless people can’t get assistance.
People living on the streets can now have some form of identification.
-but how? you are saying this but not explaining it
So homeless people now can have access to shelters, jobs, schools.
-again, how does this work- do they not have access now?
Homeless people can also get discounts when they need to buy and id because of their living circumstances.
- everything above here is about the bill and its details. explain each part more, cite your source, and slow down a bit and don't assume your reader is informed on any of this information- you are informing them
Who would of thought and id can be answer too few of the problems living on the streets have? The bill wasalso inspired by
Kelly Thomas. A man living on the street was beaten by police officers in
2011 and died because of the circumstances. So the law passed so people
living on the streets can have access to the things they need. With
an Identification card you can access healthcare and mental care if you
need it. There are a lot of Homeless people in the
cities we live in.
This actually sounds like it would be a good introduction to the paragraph that comes before this explaining what the bill is since this section talks about the reason it was made. Make work well as a first paragraph. Again, consider what you can break down more and develop since your audience isn't familiar with the info
You would expect people to be bitter because they are homeless. But not John when John was interviewed he was very humble. John talks about how he sleeps in a certain area so he can stay out of people way. He also talks about how his brother raised him. His brother went to war and never came back John also talks about how he went to fight for our country for less than 400 dollars a month. '' And you come back people spit on you and throw urine and disrespect you" I feel that some people that live on the streets just need a little bit of extra help. He also talks about how he speaks to people and they don't even acknowledge him being there.
-notice how I am breaking up your work into paragraphs? notice how I break when you transition into a new topic? make sure to use new paragraphs to your advantage in helping your reader move from one topic to another
Majority of people that see homeless people assumes that person is lazy and just don’t want to get on their feet. So we tend to ignore that person.
-here you are touching on stereotypes of the homeless- again- develop this more. Where do they come from and why do they stick around? Why do they affect us as people? How do these stereotypes affect the bill you are talking about?
I think there should be more services offered to people living on the streets. For instance John went to war for his country and came back and now he is living on the streets. I feel that home Assistance should be offered to all veterans. They put their life on the line for this country so I feel that they should be able to come home to something.
-notice here you bring in an entirely new topic- a solution and idea for new support service for the homeless. Now, how does this tie into to what the majority of the article discussed- the right to ID? can you connect these and did you check to see if there are resources that off shelters to homeless?
- in this one sentence you have a lot going on- let's try and break it down a bit to get your reader prepped for your info 1) what is this new bill? 2) what is difficult about getting an ID that this specific bill is needed?
Eleanor (who is Eleanor?) talks about how IDS are the one of the problems why homeless people can’t get assistance.
People living on the streets can now have some form of identification.
-but how? you are saying this but not explaining it
So homeless people now can have access to shelters, jobs, schools.
-again, how does this work- do they not have access now?
Homeless people can also get discounts when they need to buy and id because of their living circumstances.
- everything above here is about the bill and its details. explain each part more, cite your source, and slow down a bit and don't assume your reader is informed on any of this information- you are informing them
Who would of thought and id can be answer too few of the problems living on the streets have? The bill was
This actually sounds like it would be a good introduction to the paragraph that comes before this explaining what the bill is since this section talks about the reason it was made. Make work well as a first paragraph. Again, consider what you can break down more and develop since your audience isn't familiar with the info
You would expect people to be bitter because they are homeless. But not John when John was interviewed he was very humble. John talks about how he sleeps in a certain area so he can stay out of people way. He also talks about how his brother raised him. His brother went to war and never came back John also talks about how he went to fight for our country for less than 400 dollars a month. '' And you come back people spit on you and throw urine and disrespect you" I feel that some people that live on the streets just need a little bit of extra help. He also talks about how he speaks to people and they don't even acknowledge him being there.
-notice how I am breaking up your work into paragraphs? notice how I break when you transition into a new topic? make sure to use new paragraphs to your advantage in helping your reader move from one topic to another
Majority of people that see homeless people assumes that person is lazy and just don’t want to get on their feet. So we tend to ignore that person.
-here you are touching on stereotypes of the homeless- again- develop this more. Where do they come from and why do they stick around? Why do they affect us as people? How do these stereotypes affect the bill you are talking about?
I think there should be more services offered to people living on the streets. For instance John went to war for his country and came back and now he is living on the streets. I feel that home Assistance should be offered to all veterans. They put their life on the line for this country so I feel that they should be able to come home to something.
-notice here you bring in an entirely new topic- a solution and idea for new support service for the homeless. Now, how does this tie into to what the majority of the article discussed- the right to ID? can you connect these and did you check to see if there are resources that off shelters to homeless?
The very first thought that popped into my head when I saw John’s photo is sadness and loneliness. I know better not to assume anything by looking at the photograph when inexplicably it is more than just a picture. So indeed it was tricky for me to write a story without having more information given that we were just basing it off of a photo. I suddenly went with the flow and started describing the feeling of melancholy and solitude because at some point in my life I’ve felt those emotions so it was best to collaborate and elaborate those distinct descriptions while looking at the photograph. However, once that video played I had a whole lot of respect for this man, many thoughts gush to my head. How can someone like John be without a home and for crying out loud he fought for this country and there he is without a home to relax in? John’s story was insightful, inspiring and the only reason I thought it was frightening is because sadly it is the truth. He’s been through a number of tough times and to believe that there are people that see him as an “undesirable” person is erroneous. We need to gather more information and resolve issues that aren’t unjust. “It’s important to note how this sort of criminalization follows in the footsteps of laws that have been on the books in past, with the primary goal of pushing ‘undesirables’ out of the public space,” Howard said. “Whether that’s Jim Crow, sundown laws, anti-Okie laws — these laws discriminate against only a certain type of people.” We cannot immediately presume or refer to them as a drunk and or crazy person. In my opinion I completely agree each and every one of us has a background story, in which describes our individuality. If we prompt the core of the problem by collaborating better resources for the homeless there will be new and improved outcomes but by banding homeless people from areas isn’t the way to resolve this affair.
ReplyDelete